The Journey Continues...

My Dear Readers, 

What a terrible blogger I have been!  It seems as though my lack of updating is becoming a bad habit.  I do have big plans for Seoul Searching Mama in 2012 and hope you will continue to join me in this beautiful journey of search and reunion.  

So much has taken place in my life since I last posted in September.  You have all been a wonderful support in this journey, that maybe you would like to follow me in yet another?  It seems as though life is truly full of surprises and I rarely ever know what I am really doing but have found that in these last couple years of soul searching, it is impossible without God.  More now than ever, I am learning of His divine plan for all of us and that with faith, all things are possible.

Last Thursday, I received a letter from my Um-ma whom I have not heard from since September 15th, 2011.  With every letter, I am reminded of how motherly her instincts are for me.  After reading this letter, it is clear that she has been extremely concerned about me and my family.  I feel so badly that I have not written her more as recent events have transpired, but I hope she will understand after reading my response letter.  

Thank you for your patience and support in this journey!  Your thoughts, prayers and comments have constantly been an inspiration to me through this process.

My daughter, Hyo Eun,

Here where we are is now very cold.  Did you say that it is much warmer where live?  How have 
you been doing?  I have been hoping to hear from you, but I decided to write to you since it’s New Year. 

I was hoping so much to be able to see you, even in my dreams.

Hyo-Eun,  I hope that everything is okay with you. Could you please let me know how you are doing?  Let me know at least that you are well.  I hope that your adoptive parents are also well.

How is your husband and daughter? 

I just wish that I could at least hear from you.

Everyone here is doing okay.  I just hope to be able to see you and your family sooner than later.

My daughter,

I am now 63 years old.  Although no one can ever count his/her days, but how wonderful it would be to be able to see you when I am able. 

If you are in a situation that you won’t be able to visit Korea any time soon, please let us know.

I look so much forward to hear from you.

Until next time,

Your mother who misses you very much

Response & Photos:

My Dear Umma,

I just received your letter and it seems like you may not have received the last letter that I sent to you in August.  I am so sorry that you have been worried.  All this time, I have been concerned because I haven’t heard from you.  It is so difficult to only be able to communicate through letters.  I so wish we could finally meet and be together after all these years, but I fear that it will be quite some time until we can go to Korea. 

In my last letter, I shared the news that we had just found out we were expecting a new baby.  That was the main reason that we had to postpone our trip, as we felt that it would be too much of a risk to travel so far while pregnant.  I am now 7 months pregnant and carrying a beautiful baby girl.  She is due to arrive on April 14^th. 

Initially, our new plan was to visit Korea this summer 2012, after our new baby is born.  Unfortunately, it is beyond difficult for me to tell you that I will no longer be able to come see you at that time.  This last December, I had a routine ultrasound of our baby.  About a week later, we were referred to a Perinatologist and a Pediatric Cardiologist, where we then learned that our baby has a rare congenital heart defect, known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.  The left side of our baby’s heart is not able to fully develop without multiple surgeries after she is born.  She will have her first surgery within 2-3 days after birth, and at least two more surgeries before she turns 3 years old.  We have many doctors working hard to help us and our baby, but it has been very difficult to emotionally prepare for her arrival.  My husband and I feel that everything is going to be okay and that our baby is in the best hands.  We have faith that God is watching over us and blessing our family with love and support. 

I know that this news must be very difficult for you.  There is so much uncertainty with our baby’s condition, that I have no idea when we will be able to come visit you and the rest of my Korean family.  It seems as though finding you was the easiest part of our journey, but bringing our lives together isn’t so simple.  I want you to know that you are continuously in my thoughts.  My desire to meet you and hug you for the first time has not changed.  I look at your pictures daily and share them with my daughter Londyn.  She points to your picture and says “Mama”.  I love you so much and hope that you understand I have not forgotten you and that even though we are so far apart, we are so much closer than we have ever been. 

As a mother, it has been so hard for me to control the fears and concerns I have for this new baby’s future.  I often think of the same uncertainties that you must have felt when you placed me for adoption.  The only word I can think of to describe this pain that you and I share for our babies is “heartbroken”.  When I think about the decision you made to place me in another family, I think of how strong you were and are in such an unimaginable situation.  You are a woman of courage and have given me hope that all will be okay.  You are a wonderful mother of a son and daughters, but it wasn’t easy.  It is a journey like ours that I am reminded that life is not easy, but it can be filled with joy because of family. 

I love and miss you so much and hope to hear from you very soon.

All my love,

Hyo Eun 

US Marine Corps Ball - November 2011

Christmas - December 2011

Christmas - December 2011

Londyn

26 Weeks Pregnant - January 2012

Ultrasound of Baby Zoe - January 2012